Ready to peel out on a high-speed race through Hollywood? Or perhaps you’d prefer a journey through the cinematic classics that shaped generations in an epic dark ride? Maybe instead you’d like a laugh-out-loud, comical dark ride through the entertainment industry? There are dozens of intriguing and incredible ways to build a ride around the concept of Hollywood.
No matter what you’re looking for from a Disney dark ride, you aren’t likely to find it in Superstar Limo. Often regarded as the worst dark ride Disney has ever created, this short-lived monstrosity spent more time in development than it spent open for guests! Irreverent, unfunny, instantly dated, and creatively starved, Superstar Limo was more than just a one-off accident; it was the anchor of an entire creative concept that nearly killed Disney’s California Adventure.
Today, we return to the West Coast for another Declassifed Disaster entry sure to make you cringe. The story of Superstar Limo – that it actually got built – is nearly unbelievable. How could Disney abandon its careful storytelling, character, and detail for a disastrous dark ride into Hollywood’s worst puns, populated by C-list actors?
There’s only one way to find out.
And before we head off, remember that you can unlock rare concept art and audio streams in this story, access over 100 Extra Features, and recieve an annual Membership card and postcard art set in the mail by supporting this clickbait-free, in-depth, ad-free theme park storytelling site for as little as $2 / month! Become a Park Lore Member to join the story! Until then, let’s start at the beginning…
California catch-up
By the mid-90s, the financial failure of Disneyland Paris had taken its toll on not just Disney’s budgets, but on the mindset of CEO Michael Eisner. Swearing off any further large-scale projects (like the ambitious parks and attractions of his “Ride the Movies” era), one of Eisner’s first goals was to figure out the ongoing plans for expanding Disneyland into a multi-day, multi-park resort.
Given that the $4 billion Possibilityland: Westcot was now out of the question, executives rallied around a new park that would celebrate all that California had to offer… and be inexpensive to boot. You can catch up on the full, in-depth, incredible story that lead to Disneyland’s infamous second gate (and its fall and rebirth) in our in-depth Declassified Disaster: Disney’s California Adventure feature.
In a park based around California, there’s much to explore. And that was kind of the point. “California Adventure” could encompass snowy mountain peaks, white sand beaches, redwood forests, bustling cities, and cultural wharfs – natural ingredients for themed “lands!” The park practically designed itself conceptually. As early as 1996 (above), the park began to take shape around a towering golden spire. From the very start, Superstar Limo – or a ride like it – was a shoe-in.
Glitz, Glitter, and Cheetah Print
So fast forward to early plans that called for a Hollywood-themed “land” to populate the new park. A natural fit. Sure, Eisner’s Disney-MGM Studios (now Hollywood Studios) at Walt Disney World had been a dichotomous park – half immersive, idealized, romanticized streets of Hollywood forever locked in its Golden Age of the 1930s and 40s; half behind-the-scenes access, towering tan showbuildings, and façade-lined avenues and commissaries. Disney could do both.
However, the Hollywood land at California Adventure would be neither, instead recreating modern (well, late-90s) Hollywood with all the stardom, celebrity, smart phones, cheetah-print, reality TV, and red carpets that went with it. After all, if guests were going to cut their Disney visit short to see modern Hollywood, than it was modern Hollywood that Disney needed to bring to them.
So early plans for this Hollywood zone included a scaled recreation of Los Angeles International Airport’s famed Theme Building – the mid-century modern, white, Googie-influenced building between LAX’s terminals that had become an icon of the city. The towering recreation of the Theme Building would fill tourists with the same thrill and awe they’d experience landing at LAX and realizing they were indeed in the City of Angels, ready to become movie stars themselves. (Even better, a then-recent renovation in 1997 had seen Walt Disney Imagineering hired to design a new restaurant for the Theme Building’s saucer, and a recreation of that restaurant in California Adventure’s tower could be a highly-sought-after dining experience!)
Speeding Superstars
In any case, guests would enter the Hollywood area’s signature ride under the Theme Building recreation, feeling as if they’d just landed in Los Angeles as the newest, hottest celebrity in town. As they’d board purple stretch limos, Michael Eisner himself would appear via in-cab monitors to goad guests for being late to their own movie premiere.
Eisner would reportedly remind them that they still hadn’t signed their contract, and that if they could make it to the red carpet at the Chinese Theater in time, he’d be there in person to sign them onto Walt Disney Studios’ newest picture and make them into stars.
But, he’d warn, lookout for the paparazzi. They’re out in full force today. Don’t do anything to embarrass yourself. To hear Disney expert and analyst Jim Hill say it, what followed would’ve been a madcap ride through Hollywood, zigging and zagging to avoid the flash of the paparazzi en route to the Chinese Theater.
Don’t misunderstand though – this would not have like Florida’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster. Instead, picture something along the lines of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride taken a step further, with larger vehicles and banked turns (which Walt had envisioned for Toad, anyway) on a truly ridiculous ride through Hollywood, with flashing paparazzi cameras at every turn.
One scene Hill mentions, for example, would’ve seen guests approach the historic Tail O’ the Pup (a famed Hollywood walkup eatery shaped like a giant hotdog-in-a-bun) behind the back of a “grotesquely fat man dressed in a white rhinestone studded jumpsuit,” with the sound of flatulence clearly heard. Of course, in the frantic and wild style of Mr. Toad, you’d dart away at the last second, only to glimpse that this obese man was, of course, Mr. Elvis Presley; the sound caused by his squirting mustard onto a hot dog.
On and on it would go, weaving through blacklight scenes and darting left and right to escape the flashes of paparazzi cameras through Los Angeles’ tunnels, visiting iconic Southern California locales all in one ride. In retrospect, we can see that this version of the ride wouldn’t have stood the test of time, either. If it were built exactly as Imagineers first planned, it still wouldn’t have survived the massive rebuild that eventually came to California Adventure, where the LAX Theme Building would have no place at all in a 1930s Hollywood. However, we can admit that this version of the ride would’ve featured some truly unique and clever gags. But it was never built for good reason… The entire concept was doomed after one fateful event shocked the world…